Heart and head syndrome
How often is that we find ourselves torn between our hearts and our heads? Or more importantly, how often is it that we find ourselves in a predicament that won’t allow us to make a sensible decision or at least one that feels balanced?
It‘s not always easy to diagnose our problems when it comes to matters of the heart and head so unfortunately many of us become stagnant, feeling stuck half way between something which can throw us off the path we thought we were supposed to be walking on. It is important to take time out of course, but not too much or we again, run the risk of becoming stagnant.
Indecision can ruin other opportunities and we may feel tempted to sit in the shadows rather than facing the actual truth of the matter. Most of us fear making life changing decisions and more often than not the pull is so strong on our hearts that we tend to lose our sense of logic which leaves nothing to help sustain our goals. Therefore we suffer in silence, seek bad advice or seek too much advice which leads to more fog! So, how do we know when we have reached a clearing?
Zen Habits suggests that the main reason we suffer from the illness of indecision, is that we’ve mistaken the purpose of heart and mind. He describes the heart as a compass, in the sense that it’s purpose is to guide the direction our lives, taking a birds eye view on our life and informing us of where to go. Whereas our mind on the other hand isn’t made for making purpose driven decisions but instead is there to bring reason and logic. He suggests that the nature of the mind is that it conceptualizes, organizes and compares information. It does this as best it can and says “here are the facts, here’s both sides of the story.”
The trick of the mind however, is that we can force ourselves to believe what we want to believe rather than seeing the actual belief – the truth of the matter. Zen then suggests that if we compare our mind and heart to a courtroom, our mind would be the defendant and the plaintiff (both stories) and our heart would be justice or the judge (the right direction).
The reason we’re so troubled by this conflict of head vs heart is that the mind is not only playing the prosecutor and the defense, but has take over the role of the judge as well. The mind should never be the judge he explains as the minds job is to compare and contrast. To sort things out and say “this is what I’ve got, do what you want with it?
Sometimes we don’t want the information that we are receiving therefore we may choose to reject it and instead settle for a false reality. We may even take the information that our mind has presented to us and feel confused with it, which then alters our judgements entirely and this is where we usually reach out for a second opinion. But again we need to be careful about how we absorb that second opinion, for example, does it coincide with what we were already feeling, if so, why? It can be hard to weigh up the pros and cons.
However usually when we have made the right decision we feel a sense of relief and certainty amongst all of the nervous tension. A good way to detect if your heart is controlling your head is to count how many sacrifices you have made or are willing to make in order to accomplish your goal. If they have hindered your freedom in anyway or left you short of change then you know that in the long run this may not work out as well as you had anticipated.
On the other hand if we choose to control our emotions too much and live life under a veil of uncertainty without risking a chance then we will automatically feel unfulfilled to the extent that we compare ourselves to the smallest most insignificant detail such as a friend or a relative venturing into a exciting new business deal or fresh new relationship.
We start to become envious or other peoples’ drive and courage to take risks – this is when we know we are falling flat.
Ways to stop and assert ourselves:
Think heart and head separate
Write yourself a list of head feelings and heart feelings. Writing things down helps us to understand where we are going wrong! As this draws us outside of our boxes and encourages us to look down upon what is really going on.
You may be able to see things more clearly this way as you separate the head feelings and the heart feelings you may well find yourself building upon a final conclusion.
Select your advice
Only go to people who you trust. Sometimes we feel inclined to express our problems over and over again to our friends believing that it is helping us when in actual fact it is distorting our view even more! It is important that we take time for ourselves so that we know we have a balanced view. If you feel you need a second opinion after careful consideration then seeking an impartial view can work wonders, someone you can trust.
Sometimes the messages we receive spiritually can be uncanny! We may ask for help spiritually and then receive a letter in the post. Or perhaps we draw an angel card that confirms what we were already thinking. You may speak to a medium or get a tarot spread done which helps you to build an over all conclusion, but whichever one, it is important to do all the clearing out first and remove any blockages that you don’t need – this is where the writing comes in handy! ;)
With love and light x x xx x x x