Being in love is one of the best feelings in the world. But one of the worst feelings is falling out of love with the person you once adored. Even more terrible is the person you still adore falling out of love with you! Yet it happens all the time.
A once all-consuming passion withers to nothing, leaving one person heartbroken and the other feeling guilty. No winners here.
So why does it happen? There seems to be no obvious answer. It's not like anybody cheated, had a massive fight or was abusive. It's just that one partner feels as if the spark has faded. But why? This frustrating lack of answers can be devastating. It seems as if one of you woke up one morning and suddenly decided your love was over. Not good.
But actually, falling out of love doesn't just happen overnight. It unfolds slowly, over months or years. The signs are there long before one of you decides to call time on your relationship. So, if you can spot the hidden warning signs you or your partner are falling out of love, then you have a chance to put things right and save your relationship. Read on to discover the reasons why people fall out of love.
1) Unresolved conflict
If something's wrong but you don't talk about it - you're going to end up falling out of love. If needs and desires are not expressed, or are ignored, tensions will build to boiling point. So it can get top the stage where it's easier to walk away than it is to resolve conflict in your relationship. To stay loved-up you need to keep communicating, always.
2) Unrealistic expectations
At the start of a relationship, you are both trying to impress. Everyone is on their best behaviour. But as days turn to weeks, this fades. Prince or princess charming reverts to their real, imperfect self. Avoid shattered illusions by being yourself - even at the start of a relationship. Remember, nobody is perfect, so if your expectations of your partner are sky high, you are sure set for heartbreak.
3) Taking each other for granted
Once you settle into a comfortable routine with each other, the temptation is to get lazy and stop making an effort. Big mistake! One of the most common reasons for falling out of love is because you feel your partner is taking you for granted. To keep the spark alive, always make time to talk, to have fun together and to help each other.
4) You're incompatible
Not much you can do about this one. When you get together, it seems as if you are madly in love, but as the days tick by you realise that your values and priorities don't line up. It's nobody's fault. You can try to compromise but if one person feels they are giving up too much, resentment will build. The best thing you can do is part on good terms, with no blame.
Having secrets is never a good start to a relationship. If one of you is hiding something from the other, it can feel like a betrayal of trust when the secret comes to light. Secrets can change the way you feel about your lover, so you fall out of love. Be honest from the early days. OK, perhaps not on the first date! But during the first week or two of the relationship.
When the green-eyed monster rears its ugly head, love can fade fast. It might be fun feeling as if your partner only wants to spend time with you and you alone. For about five minutes! After that it's stifling. Squash your jealousy or risk losing your lover. If your partner is jealous, get out fast.
7) Bad beginnings
Some relationships are more likely to be doomed from the start. For instance, if you got together because it was convenient or because you were lonely, not because you were madly attracted to the person. This means there was never a real spark right from the beginning. The foundations of a relationship like this are wobbly at best. So one of you will probably walk away sooner or later.
8) Change of circumstances
Nothing stays the same - and that includes your relationship. Both you and your partner will change and your circumstances may change, too. One of you might change career or become ill. Even something joyful, such as having children can change the dynamic of your relationship forever. If you both roll with life's challenges, supporting each other as you go, you'll likely remain in love. But if you see change as the enemy, you'll quickly fall out of love.
9) Lust not love
Were you ever really in love? That's the question to ask yourself when a brief relationship ends. Perhaps you were blinded by lust, which is a very powerful sense of attraction. But when the lust faded you were left with nothing between you. Don't blame yourself or your partner. Try to choose your next partner based on shared interests and values, as well as attraction, for a greater chance of romantic success.
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