Difficulties in relationships

There is nothing more aggravating than the feeling of being tricked or the feeling of rejection. Is she/he going to call? Are they playing mind games? And how much longer do you have to wait for commitment?
If you feel like you are being intentionally ignored or emotionally drained then your first reaction is of course going to be – re-action! Naturally you want to react because you are angry and frustrated, yet you may not be able to actually prove that they are ignoring you. This is why it is important to step back and consider the reasons behind their behaviour first.

If your partner is choosing to spend more time with friends than he/she is with you then there could be a serious problem that you need to address. It could be that your partner fears commitment, or that they are not ready for commitment just yet. If your partner consistently ignores your messages and phone calls then there could be an underlying problem that hasn’t yet been bought up to the surface, or it could even be mind games, due to a lack of insecurity. Whichever one it is, it is important for you to step back and reassess the situation in great detail first before coming to any conclusion, as this will give you the opportunity to work out whether or not the relationship is worth saving.

Many relationships backfire due to a lack of honest and sincere communication. Many of us do not face up to our insecurities before entering a relationship and without realising we inadvertently pass our insecurities on the next partner. This is why it is so important to clear your space and talk out your fears and frustrations before committing to a new relationship. It is also important to remember that men tend to have a different way of expressing their emotions, compared to what women do and there are many reasons behind this. Firstly, men tend to fear vulnerability in expressing emotions due to the fact that they are usually bought up with the intention to provide and to work through issues and create solutions rather than become invoked in them emotionally.

Also, the male survival mechanism is to detach themselves emotionally in order to survive! From an evolutionary perspective men would have had to shut off their emotions while out hunting, so over time it has become natural for them to do so. What is also interesting is that if a man becomes very emotional, his blood pressure skyrockets and he is at risk of having a heart attack. It also takes much longer for a man's blood pressure and immune system to return to normal after high emotion than it does for a woman. Therefore a man will instinctively try (without even knowing that this is what he is doing) to protect himself and escape the situation.

Interestingly the reason why many relationships fail is due to the communicational problems that many people face in their relationships. Many people tend to lose awareness of what has caused the problem in the first place which can then lead to a further breakdown in communication where both partners refuse to face up to the initial problem. In order to have a healthy relationship communication and trust is key. There should also be a good friendship and your partner should be your best friend, in the sense that you feel like you can talk to them about absolutely anything! Therefore it is very important to try and listen to what they have to say, even through trying times, and even though you may be fuming with anger, listening can help us to understand the cause behind peoples’ actions. You will then find that by listening, you will also be heard, although it may not be obvious at first, if you open the door for someone they will respond in someway, it’s just some don’t choose to acknowledge your concern instantaneously.

Commitment issues

As we evolve we tend to become less committed. We begin to realise that we do not need to follow a strict set of guidelines or specific rules and regulations as the universe becomes slightly more forgiving and less restrictive. There are more options and choices for everyone now and we do what we have to, to expand and grow We now have more freedom in our lives and as time ticks away more people are becoming aware of this, therefore it can be hard to find the right relationship as so many of us are reaching out for so many different things and middle aged men in particular are starting to realise that they don’t have to settle down so quickly.

There are many reason why people choose not to commit and here are a few explanations:

Healing

They have not healed from the previous relationship they were in and if you have been part of a love triangle, it is a good idea to allow the other person a bit of time and space before asking for 100% commitment from them. Even if the other person seems ready and stable, there are often feelings that person has not quite dealt with that need to be let go of.

Not interested

As heartbreaking as it may seem, they may just feel like you are not the right one for them. Try bearing in mind that they may not have admitted this to themselves yet, so in this case it can sometimes help to step back from the person who is not committing as a sort of “test trial” to see if they do really like you. If they step forwards quickly – then you will soon know! Remember that people don’t always understand their emotions at the beginning of a relationship and it can take a bit of time for them to work things out so be patient!

Avoiding pain

Some people feel emotions on such an intense level that they do not trust themselves. Sometimes when we love, we let ourselves go a little too much and it can make us feel powerless therefore we step back to avoid being hurt again. Trust is essential and when two people trust their love for one another, nothing else can really go wrong. Love after all, is what keeps everything burning!

Difficult silences and unexpressed emotions

Mind games and frustrating silences can be tricky as it can be hard to know whether or not to make the first move, or to even trust our own instinct in thinking that someone is playing games with us! In most cases, mind games are usually due to stubbornness and an unwillingness to admit defeat. It is also important to remember that silences can also be due to a lack of security and a need for reassurance. It can be a tiring process when you have to keep reassuring your lover, and in time, only you can decide whether the game is really worth it. Perhaps by allowing them to come forwards first may teach them to be a little more consistent. You may even come to discover that your lover or person in question is playing hard to get, which some refer to as “wanting something we can’t have” this is the root of reverse psychology.If we can show the other person that we don’t want them, then hopefully we can trigger an emotion in the other person to want you in return.

Why am I being ignored?

Take a few steps back to freedom ( Retrace your emotional footsteps)
Think back to the last time you spoke – how did it seem?
Did you say something that they could have taken the wrong way?

Have you done something that has rivalled them? If so, keep calm, wait for them to call you – the majority of misunderstandings blow over in a few days.
Keep telling yourself that “All will be fine” as this will automatically send positive energy back to the person ignoring you.

If the waiting has become too much and you feel you have to address the problem because you know what it is but feel anxious about doing so practice what you need to say first. See yourself as an actor/actress working through the problem so that you can protect yourself if things become too intense. Then, when you are done talking or arguing the problem out, you can safely hang up the mask or costume you went on stage with and relax
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References:
http://www.relationship-with-self.com/communication-problems-in-relationships.html
http://www.indiaparenting.com/relationships/article.cgi?art_id=89

http://www.lovinghurts.com/2009/04/12/why-do-people-play-mind-games-part-2/
http://www.uncommon-knowledge.co.uk/psychology_articles/men-women-emotions.html

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