7 Ways to Forgive

Release Yourself From Heartache With Forgiveness

Remember the last time somebody hurt you. Does the memory still sting? Being emotionally hurt cuts deep so when somebody betrays you it can feel impossible to forgive. But by forgiving you are releasing yourself from the hurt. Forgiveness allows you to heal and move on. While you live with the anger of hurt and betrayal, you are in a depleted state, still emotionally bound to the person who caused you pain. By releasing the hurt you are cutting emotional ties with the person who wronged you and moving on with your life - without them. Forgiveness is a strength because you are taking back your personal power. By forgiving you are refusing to be a victim. You are taking control of the situation. So read on to learn how to forgive.

Let Go Of Anger

Somebody has wronged you. How do you feel? Once the tears have dried, it's most likely you feel anger. Anger is a natural result of being betrayed. It's also easier to hold on to anger over a betrayal than it is to face up to the hurt it has caused. Being angry short-term is normal but holding on to anger long term is very damaging. It will eat you up from the inside, harming your health, wellbeing and damaging the prospects of a future relationship. Understand that your feelings do not impact the wrongdoer. The only person you are harming by holding onto anger is yourself. Releasing anger will return you to the person you were before the betrayal. You'll be happy again.

Forgiveness Is Not Condoning

By forgiving, you are not condoning or accepting the behaviour of the other person. You are not inviting that person back into your life. You are forgiving them for your own wellbeing. It might help you to forgive if you try to see the situation from their point of view. Why did they do it? What stresses were at work in their life? Extending compassion to them in your thoughts can help diffuse your anger. You don't need to tell the person you have forgiven them if you don't want to - it works just as well to sincerely forgive in private.

Accept The Changed Situation

Things are not the same now. You have suffered a loss. A person you trusted has hurt you and they may never know or care how much pain they have caused you. You have lost them and the time you invested into your relationship. It is not fair. But the next stage of forgiveness is to accept your change in situation. Once you are able to accept and process the change to your life, you will grow stronger and more powerful in your thoughts and emotions.

Release Your Pain

Shout in an empty room, take boxing lessons, write a letter pouring out all your pain and emotions, then burn the letter - do whatever it takes, as long as it harms none, to release your pain. Then let go of the experience. Stop thinking about it. Stop talking about it. It is in the past. Focus on the people who helped you through this tough time. Think about the kindnesses you were shown.

5) Forgive, Not Forget

When you forgive somebody, it doesn't mean that you are forgetting what has happened. Yes, you should release the anger and pain and move on with your life, not dwelling on the past. But you should also learn from this event, so you don't fall into the same patterns of behaviour with somebody else. What happened cannot be erased, nor should it, but its power to hurt should dissipate.

6) Forgive Yourself

Sometimes when forgiveness seems impossible it's because you can't forgive yourself. You blame yourself for falling into the trap or for trusting or being stupid. So you need to release this self guilt, too. Know that you did what you thought was best at the time. You can't go back and change it now, so let it go. You will forgive yourself as well as the other person, but you won't forget the lessons you've learned from this.

7) Rebuild Your Heart

You will trust again. You will love again. You will stop hurting. Know why? Because those are your choices. It's up to you how you react to somebody else's behaviour. The person who hurt you is not in control - unless you let them be - you are in control of how you react. So choose to trust again, but place your trust carefully. Choose to love again. Be happy. It's your choice.