4 Signs You're Heading For Heartbreak...and Four Ways to Fix it!

You're in a relationship with the love of your life. Everything's rosy. Then - BAM! Suddenly things start to fall apart. What happened?

You're in a relationship with the love of your life. Everything's rosy. Then - bam! Suddenly things start to fall apart. What happened? Why were there no warning signs? Well, the truth is there probably were lots of warning signs but you just didn't notice them! It's easy to let things slide in a long term relationship. To start taking your partner for granted. Or to suddenly find their little quirks become intensely annoying. With almost half of all marriages ending in divorce, and the number of break-ups even higher for co-habiting couples, you need to spot the signs before you reach crisis point to save your relationship!

Of course, not all relationships can or should be saved. But if your relationship is basically healthy but just beginning to flounder a bit, here are the reasons why and how to rescue your love.

The Danger Signs:

1) You're constantly finding fault

Living with another person usually turns out to be far from a fairytale. Whether you're a neat-freak and they are a slob, or whether you want to watch a film while they prefer sports. Life together with your lover can quickly descend into constantly finding faults with each other. If you find yourself criticising your partner more than you praise them, or gripe at them more than thanking them - this is a big red warning sign that you're heading for break-up city.

2) You've stopped listening

What's worse than constant fighting? Silence. When communication stops because one or both of you stops listening, you know your relationship is on the rocks. Listening to your partner's concerns and having your thoughts and ideas listened to is the lifeblood of a relationship. If you don't fully engage with each other your relationship will wither away.

3) You don't share the little details

You communicate about the big issues that enable life together to run smoothly. So everything must be alright? Wrong! Your relationship is not a business arrangement (hopefully!). Instead, it's a romantic friendship. Friends stay close by sharing the little details of their everyday lives. The sort of things that might seem unimportant to anyone other than the person who cares about you most. Such as: how was your day? What went well? What frustrated you? The point is that you find out the little details of your love's life every day so your friendship bond can strengthen. You don't? Well, your relationship could be heading for heartbreak.

4) You've stopped admiring

Remember when you first met? When you thought your partner was the most attractive, most entertaining, most accomplished person you'd ever met? But now the honeymoon phase has ended, you find your admiration for your lover beginning to fade away. Don't let it! If you can't continue to see the best in your partner, your relationship is doomed.

The Fixers:

Here's how to fix your relationship:

1) Cultivate kindness

Constant criticism within a relationship is the biggest destroyer of love. But the problem usually lies with the person doing the criticising, not the partner who's being criticised. If that's you, you need to look at the root cause of your anger. Is it really because he/she forgot to do the dishes? Or are there bigger emotional issues at work? One fix for the damaging habit of constant criticism is to cultivate kindness. Your partner is someone you love, who is trying to do their best. So be kind. You'll find kindness diffuses anger and helps you get perspective on the situation.

2) Be mindful

It's easy to get into a rut in your relationship where you stop listening or communicating properly with your partner. Like all important things, listening properly sometimes takes effort. But you can make the choice to fully engage with your partner by being mindful of their words. When you see your partner wants to communicate make the time to listen and give them your full attention. Once you get into the habit of doing this it will become easier. And your relationship will bloom.

3) Reconnect

Sometimes life gets in the way of your connection with your partner. You forget to ask them how they are or how their day went. This can cause emotional distance to form between you. While you can't be perfect all the time, you can set dates when you can spend quality time together. Not necessarily dinner dates. Just any small activity that you can do together that gives you an opportunity to talk. For example, going for a walk, sitting together at home, watching as film or eating together at the table at home.

4) Attention on the positives

If you feel like your partner's charms have faded and you can't remember why you were so attracted to them - have you considered that the problem might be you not them? Perhaps you are stuck in a mental rut and are being too judgemental? Bust out of this low by writing a list of all the positives about your partner and your relationship together. Then write a list of the negatives. If the negatives outweigh the positives - it wasn't meant to be and you should set your partner free. But, hopefully, your relationship positives will be the longer list and this will help you recognise just how wonderful your partner is.


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