Knowing the signs

Knowing when to end a relationship can be tricky. It’s not always easy to read the signs and some of us continue in relationships even though we are unhappy. However, there are many different reasons as to why we may be unhappy and it can be hard to determine whether or not ending things is going to be the right choice.

Many of us blow hot and cold in relationships because we are unsure about ourselves and when one person pulls back it can be an extremely frustrating process if there is no open communication. The question you have to ask yourself is whether or not you still feel the right amount of passion for your partner? You may not get the butterfly in tummy feeling like you did when you first met but you should still feel a connection, a longing, and a desire to be with that person.

If the answer is yes, you still desire after them then you know how you feel. But relationships are not as straightforward as simply just “having feelings for someone”. Sometimes we feel an awful lot for someone but too many obstacles stand in our way such as family problems, work issues or an inner complex we refuse to face up to within ourselves.

If both of you still have strong feelings for each other then the question should be, “is the relationship worth saving?” Sometimes, breakup scares are there to test our strength and levels of commitment, many of us feel things on a variety of different levels but sometimes the feelings just aren’t strong enough to make the relationship last and if you are feeling a continuous frustration within yourself daily then it may well be time to sit down and have a good think about things so you can work out where the major obstacles lie.

It could be that you love your partner dearly but you just don’t share the same values anymore, perhaps you have grown apart? Or perhaps you are sick and tired of being emotionally abused? Sometimes love works one way to the extent that we become blinded by our partner’s flaws. Something else to consider when thinking about the future in relationships is how your confidence feels? Has it increased or has it decreased? Does your partner make you feel good about yourself? Or does he/she make you feel defenceless and weak?

Good relationships tend to have a habit of making unquestionable sacrifices where two lovers simply mould together, even if the other is apart or going through difficult times. Your partner should feel like a twin to you and you should not feel as if you have to “pretend to be someone else around them”. You shouldn’t feel scared or frightened or at unease with yourself, instead your partner should bring out the very best in you, complimenting you and allowing you to be yourself.

If you feel limited in someway by your partner, then again, this is something else that needs paying attention to. Respect plays a huge role in relationships and if one partner is showing signs of any disrespect then it is usually a clear sign that one person has stopped acknowledging the other person’s values and has crossed the line in some way but all too often we forget about ourselves in relationships and fail to see the signs that others are already starting to see.

Arriving at a decision can be hard when trying to come to terms with your relationship issues. Here are some things to consider that may help you to find clarity:

Confide in someone you trust

Although friends are good to have around when struggling to come to terms with relationship issues they aren’t always the best option when it comes to advice and guidance. This is because your friends will naturally want to protect you and will perhaps tell you what they think rather than listening to how you actually feel, not only that but close friends and family can often make us feel as if we are being judged unnecessarily therefore it is always a good idea to speak to someone outside the circle who has no preconceptions.

Too much advice can confuse you!

Remember that although it is healthy to gather opinions and seek guidance, only you know the answer in your heart. If you seek too many opinions it is likely that it will confuse you even more as you will naturally begin to weigh up the pros and cons of what each person has advised (which will differ tremendously and be extremely varied) this can be a huge detriment to your own opinion and own instinct.
Try not to lose track of how you really feel but choose advice wisely as within moderation it can help you to see a broader picture.

Weigh up the Pros and Cons

In order to help you with your decision try some self help therapy. Start by making a list of two columns. One will list the positives of your relationship and the other will list the negatives. This may sound like an obvious thing to do and perhaps even something you are not particularly bothered about doing, but seeing your points on paper can prove to save you from a lot of aggravation! And will certainly clarify a lot of things in your head. Once we feel clear about things in our minds we feel more able to cope with making the right choices. So when you put pen to paper be honest with yourself, what is it that makes you feel good about your relationship? And what is it that makes you feel bad about it? Once you have made a list study it carefully, look at both the pros and the cons, how do you feel?

Remember that relationships are a plus in life not a minus! Only you will be able to see if you are selling yourself short.

Good luck! With love and light

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