Can I ever be with him

I have been in a happy relationship with my partner for the past 17 years but recently met and got involved with a new person. This person made me realise what was missing in my relationship and ignited a fire. Although I knew it was wrong I got too involved and felt such a strong connection and bond. My partner suspected I was getting in too deep and it eventually all blew up and came out. I am now in an awful situation as I still love my partner but not in the same way as before and I still want the excitement offered by this new person who is prepared to wait for me. I don't know which way to turn as I have the security and love of my current partner who is a much loved member of the family and widely respected by everyone but I cannot stop thinking about this new person who cannot offer me the same things but does offer me something new and does make me so happy in a different way. There is also a huge chemistry between us that is sadly missing with my partner and I'm not sure we could ever get this back as it has been missing for many years. Any advice would be appreciated L&L S x

I can see that things with your current partner have been difficult for a while now and this is the reason that when a new man showed an interest in you it has all looked great and exciting. There is a great bond between you as he has made a big impression on you. Your current partner is very hurt and angry by your actions and in 'his eyes'' he has done nothing wrong to deserve this. I can see that with your partner you yearn to love him passionately the way that you need to be loved. I can see that you did not really wish to break his heart. There are feelings there, but in a different way this can be worked on if you decide to stay with him, but it will not be easy as it is almost as if you love him but are no longer 'in love' with him. You really do need to be true to yourself and it is not a great idea to compare your current partner with this new man, it is better not to rely on either of these men for your happiness you need to be happy just for you. It does look as though the thought of not having the new man in your life feels unbearable, both men are really different and can offer you very different things. If you are no longer in love with your current partner then really you are both living a lie and it would be unfair to stay in this relationship as it is stopping him from moving on and meeting someone else in the future. The new person is telling the truth when he says he will wait for you but he will only wait for so long it is not limitless. The time has come to be really truthful to yourself, although your current partner within the family, they are not the ones that are in a relationship with him and this appears to have run its natural course. Try to be logical in your thinking and you will make the right decision, there is a reason as to why you became involved with the new man, if you were really happy in your current relationship he would never have been able to entice you away in the first place.

I’ve been in love with a guy who lives 170miles away. We have seen each other twice but he won't commit to long distance. He has found someone else as have I but I still love him and want to be with this guy. How does he feel about me and will we ever meet again?

The rule is that the shorter the distance between two people the better off you are. In a way you needed to get past the next 10-12 dates in order for it to have the possibility of it going somewhere and this has not happened and I am not seeing you meeting up with him again. This man did really, really like you but he became very realistic and decided that due to the distance apart this was not going to go anywhere and at this stage he thought it best to let this relationship go. No matter what type of person you are, you are bound to have experienced some form of jealous when your partner stays miles away. The problem is for the both of you; you can imagine things which may not even happen in real life. For example, you may think that your partner is not responding enough to you whereas he may have been busy with something else. I can see that he has had issues around trust and even though he has no reason to doubt you he has not been able to trust you as much as we would have liked too however this is through no fault of your own. This man has decided to move on as the new woman is nearer to him and he is concentrating on that relationship. I feel it is time (even though it is hard for you) to move on, and you are already half way there as you too have met someone else. Sadly the long distance relationship was just not meant to be.

I met a guy from the past his name is Nicholas. I am really drawn to him and we have spent a few nights together. I am now wondering what the future holds. Had so many disappoints in the past and I really like this to be transpire into a positive loving committed relationship.

Nicholas has come back into your life for a reason he has not indicated how he feels about you yet as it too soon. The fact that Nicholas is going to want to see you more and more frequently will give you a sign that he is wishing to return to your life for a good reason. When it comes to love there really is no hard and fast rules, and even though you dated a long time ago it is important that to truthfully remember your past love relationship exactly as it was not how you fondly think back on it now and don’t just rely on your memory. If you have them, look at old pictures read old notes or whatever you may have. Do not work on the assumptions that they are the person that you once loved. Nicholas may have changed in unexpected ways. I can see that you are wanting more or less the same sort of things, and that you are going to take time to get to know each other again and it would be best that if there are any concerns to flag them up straight away, just keep in mind that every relationship new or rekindled has its challenges and is very real. He also appears to be more mature now and able to handle things differently. Nicholas wants a stable long term relationship with you but it is too early for him to express this at the moment. I do not foresee him breaking your heart, you are bound to be rather anxious as to how this will all turn out and he does feel the same way too this is all down to both your past issues. He is not frightened of commitment and he does appear to want to settle down. Take your time and this really can work out well for both of you. You will get what you are wanting from this relationship.

Hi, I caught a friend out lying to me about something important. Now I feel like I can never trust her again, I want to be friends but I can't let go of the deceit. I've had trust issues in the past and don't know if I'll be able to move on and be friends with her again. What should I do?

Hi Angie, I was involved in a long distance relationship of sorts across the Atlantic for about a year (someone I met on holiday). For the first time in years I felt as though I had a good connection with someone, and when he visited for a couple of weeks we got on so well. The relationship came to an abrupt end when he declared that he didn't want either of us to have expectations that one would eventually move for the other. I ended it there and the whole experience gave me such a big knock in confidence when I had been trying to convince myself that I deserved happiness, as previously I usually got involved with guys I wasn't that interested in as I thought I couldn't do any better. I'd really like to know why he let what we had go or was I actually aiming for someone I didn't deserve?

Hi, Often in long distant relationship everything is great when you do get together, the times when you are apart you tend to trudge through, and these times are not always so great. Also the times when you are together is wonderful and in essence you can block out what is dysfunctional in the hope that the glitches that you encounter are only due to the fact that you are not in the same place. This man originally went with the flow and he did have feelings for you and the fact that he ended it was not your fault, he just decided to look at the relationship in a very black and white way and after much thought he decided that there was no way he was going to give up his life as he knows it and move nearer to you and he did not expect you to move nearer to him. This man does appear to have an issue regarding commitment and even if you had given up everything and moved nearer to him he could not have handled the guilt that you had sacrificed so much to be with him only to find it was not working out. I feel in a way that you did know this man but you did not really know him and the part that you were not aware of was his weak side, and it was so much easier for him to quit this relationship rather than carry it on sadly. This man came to the conclusion not put himself through the long periods of time without you. I can see that he has been thinking whether the effort to make this long distant relationship work was worth it. Sadly he decided it was not, he found that the longer it was endured the more taxing the effect on his mind and body would be. You have not been aiming for something that you did not deserve it was just that he could not handle or see a future for you together and he felt it kinder to call it a day, this is all really raw right now but this will subside and you will feel a connection again with a new man that is much closer to home.. Try not to worry your confidence will return again and you will be ready to date again and next time it really does work out for you.

Hi, My husband passed away recently and ever since his passing, things have started moving and falling over in my home. Recently our wedding picture fell over for no reason, is he trying to contact me? Is he in a happy place? I feel lost without him after 50 years of marriage. Have a nice day,

Hi Blanche, I do see that your husband is trying to get your attention, and he did start to try to get your attention subtly, and as you did not notice these signs he has making things fall over and the most prominent sign was when the wedding picture fell over, he did not mean to scare you at all. Your husband wishes you to know that he is well and settled he has seen all the tears and he knows how much you miss him. I can see that you have often thought what are you going to do without your husband? This is why he is trying so hard to let you know that he is around and he does wish you to know that he is in a happy place. Loosing your husband has changed your entire life especially when the loved one was also your best friend and I can see at times you feel uncomfortable about making even minor decisions. It is natural for you to experience this ‘lost’ feeling and it is best to be patient with yourself as you work through the process of grief. Grief is a journey that lasts as long as it take to reconcile all issue appertaining to death, your loved one, yourself to bring peace and understanding. You husband wants you to strive to be happy and fulfilled you are going to meet new people and realise that life can be satisfying and exciting even if you are alone, but change may not come easily or quickly. There are some better times ahead of you.