What's the first thing that springs to mind when you hear the word "love" or "relationship"? Is it harmony, desire and equality? Or regret, anger and blame?
What’s the first thing that springs to mind when you hear the word “love” or “relationship”? Is it harmony, desire and equality? Or regret, anger and blame? Your first initial thought will speak about how you have experienced the gift of exchanging feeling, so hold that thought for a second and think about how it makes you feel.
Love can indeed be a blessing, a natural high if you like, for love is what sets us free. But if so, then why is it when relationships go wrong we look for others to blame? We experience feelings of intense frustration, resentment and sometimes even blame. You’ve put your trust in someone by allowing them to step inside your soul, your most private, inner world and perhaps they’ve taken it for granted? Therefore you feel, cold, empty and lonely.
I’ve been watching a lot of people drift in and out of my life recently. Some, being clients who I work with on a spiritual level whilst others are acquaintances and friends. I’ve always lived with the belief that people come into your life for a reason, and quite often it is to teach you something about yourself, and whether this is good or bad, there is always an important lesson to learn. A recent observation I have made however seems to stem from bitterness and resentment, in that people are finding it very hard to adjust from the pain and sadness that previous relationships have left them in. They are carrying wounds and emotional baggage that they don’t need. The question is how do we let this go? And more importantly how can we find the inner truth within ourselves so that we can move on in peace and harmony?
It seems that people are struggling to come to terms with why relationships are failing.
“He’s in a relationship with someone else”
“He won’t tell the children about me”
“He won’t show me any emotion”
“She says she needs more time”
“She won’t leave him”
These are all classic examples that are not actually to do with the other person, but something you must first face up to within yourself.
If “he” isn’t showing you enough emotion, then try and look deeper within, perhaps there is something about yourself that you haven’t quite faced up to yet. It could even be an issue that goes back to childhood, but whatever it is, you will often find that people creep into your life to mirror a reflection of yourself. So if you are not at complete ease with yourself then you are bound to attract the wrong type of energy. For example a client of mine, Susan could never understand why she kept attracting men that were unable to commit. She dated many men but found not one would give the full emotional connection and commitment that she desired after. So she decided to have some counselling and investigate a little deeper into the reasons why certain cycles in her life were repeating themselves.
When the counsellor asked her about her Father she was unable to speak and felt cut off from herself instantly. It was discovered that the Father had been distant during childhood and was unable to offer her the love and protection she craved as a child due to travels and work commitments. Without realising it, Susan herself had a fear of commitment and she was becoming more anxious about getting hurt as time went on and couldn’t bear the thought of rejection. According to Harville Hendrix what attracts us in a potential partner is not so much the beautiful eyes and magnetic smile but something completely different altogether. What we actually fall in love with he says is our “Imago”, a composite image of the positive and the negative character traits of our primary caretakers (our parents) and that we carry this in our sub conscious minds. “Imago” is Latin for image and is said to be a blue print of the person we are likely to marry.
However, before taking marriage and commitment into consideration, the most important person to have a relationship with, is actually yourself! People spend lifetimes distracting themselves from this vital inner work, and never truly get to grips with the idea that love will never be fulfilling - or lasting - with another person, if we don't first love ourselves! Therefore, if you are stuck in a negative relationship, then usually it is because you are attracting that energy in. Ask yourself: Are you really heart broken? Or have you broken your own heart?
Of course, it’s part of the human makeup to blame others to an extent for our emotional highs and lows, it’s all too easily done., but in actual fact, you are always in control and it’s the higher self that recognises this.
So, if you’ve had a bad experience in a relationship or in love then perhaps use the experience to work out what you don’t want and what you don’t need in the future. Perhaps even write out a list, reflect upon that list and use it as a guide. Then, if you can, thank the above for that experience as it is usually by acknowledgment and your own self awareness that spirit will congratulate you. This is a bit like the Judgment card in the tarot deck. Often the art work on the card will illustrate someone being judged where we see bodies emerging from coffins and angels shining down from the sky with praise and celebration. It can be quite a daunting card to look at but I tend to see this more as a wake up call and a beautiful one! For you have finally reached that moment and it is an indication that you have now understood and realised what it is that has been holding you back – embrace it and enjoy it!
Sometimes people come into your life to reflect what is beautiful, whilst other times they come into simply make you more aware of your own senses and inner most feelings.
"And when I love, I learn a little bit more about myself and my capabilities. Love makes me stronger, love makes me grow”.
Love is healing, love is kind, love is generous. Some of us hold love that goes on for eternity – it never runs out. To be in love with the world, to be in love with life to hear and breathe every tiny sparkle and glimmer in the universe is something which is limitless. Yes of course love can be soul destroying, but there is always a way back into your inner self, your inner light. And remember that when you fall in love, the only thing it shows you is how much you can love. Love is a gift and teaches us all sort of things about ourselves.
Love through the signs
With strong water energy in love you feel washed away, as if you can see the ocean in their eyes. It’s easy to read emotions with water signs and they can help you feel as if you belong – the ruler of emotions – Scorpio, Cancer, and Pisces.
Cancer nurtures and loves to collect or keep mementos that bring memories of good times and people and have great memories.
Scorpio gives 100% percent in love and expect the same back in return with a “No half measures attitude”. They are sexy, magnetic and fiercely passionate.
Pisces is suffused with feeling and empathy, truly compassionate with unconditional love. Can be prone to wearing rose tinted glasses in relationships. Dreamy and idealistic.
With strong fire energy you will no doubt feel the passion and the flame. Fire energies often delve straight into things and there is no holding back. Aries, Leo and Sagittarius
Sagittarius is freedom loving and fun; they don’t like too much emotional sensitivity. They are flirtatious gamblers and love spontaneity – the life and soul.
Leos are warm, bright and loving. They have huge hearts but sulk like babies if they don’t get their own way. You’ll always know when you’re loved by Leo as they have a sensitive/warm nature.
Aeries – excitable and confident in love with a real need for freedom of expression. Loving spirits but a little uncompromising in love.
With a strong air energy you will feel able to discuss and analyse things in love but perhaps be careful not to be too analytical!
Gemini loves to communicate in love and is always on the go – be careful as Gemini gets bored very quickly and needs constant stimulation.
Aquarius- considered the most dispassionate sign of the zodiac but normally very loyal in love. They are inwardly sensitive and caring.
Libra loves with balance and harmony , Libra needs to feel wanted and enjoys sharing in relationships.
With a strong earth energy you will feel grounded and looked after, earth is practical and strong.
Capricorn is emotionally cool but a big thinker . They like to feel stable and secure in love and hate wasting time. They are frugal, hard working and committed.
Taurus is sensual and kind in love but can be stubborn and very sensitive. They can also be jealous lovers.
Virgo can be a little sharp and cold not to mention critical in love. They are perfectionists , but have plenty to say with many quirky characteristics!
More about relationships:
In the words of Kahlil Gibran:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7,13
Refs – Hendrix, Harville – Getting the love you want.
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